In this post, I want to share some practical tools to help you leave your failures behind and start finding joy after pain. I’m often puzzled when people say their behavior or character is shaped by “their past.” Usually, this means they are referring to difficult experiences they went through, whether by choice or circumstance.
But unless we were all born this morning, everyone has a past, and it can easily become an excuse for staying stuck in brokenness. I’ve never walked in your shoes, and I don’t know exactly what you’ve faced. But you must also recognize that you haven’t walked in mine, and you don’t fully understand my struggles either. The problem is that we often compare our worst moments to other people’s best. This only leads to discouragement. So we make excuses for why we can’t become the best version of ourselves, blaming situations and people around us for our lack of progress.
However, history shows us that the most inspiring lives are rarely perfect. Instead, they are stories of people who overcame great odds. These people pushed through their struggles, and something beautiful came from their pain. Some of the greatest poetry was written by the most conflicted souls, and some of the most heartfelt music came from broken hearts. Likewise, some of the most wounded soldiers became heroes by laying down their lives for others.
There is a unique beauty that emerges from adversity, and hope rises even from the darkest places. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross once said, “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, suffering, struggle, and loss and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, sensitivity, and understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
With that in mind, remember that no matter how you feel now, the key is not to give up—you have already come so far. God is working on your life like a masterpiece. Trust Him to “give a crown of beauty for ashes” (Isaiah 61:1-3). Don’t let the enemy keep you stuck in a pity party. Instead, step out in bold faith and be intentional about your life. If the enemy reminds you of the failures in your past, remind him of what awaits in his future. Your sins have not been hidden or ignored—they were washed away by Jesus’ blood. Knowing this, choose to accept the things you cannot change and change the things you have the power to change.
Accept, forgive, and let go of what you cannot change.
If you find yourself constantly wishing you could go back and change the past, here’s the truth: you can’t. There’s no point in beating yourself up over mistakes you made when you didn’t know then what you know now. Looking back with regret is like being angry at yourself for not picking the winning lottery numbers after the draw you simply had no way of knowing. Learn from your mistakes and move forward. Focus on what you can change now, and make the best decisions you can going forward.
If you have experienced abuse, know this: what happened to you was not your fault.
If someone took advantage of you and you’ve suffered abuse, my hope is that you will find healing and restoration. But this requires intention. You may not have been able to prevent what happened, but you can choose how you respond. In your pain, you can either forgive and heal or hold onto bitterness. Remember, bitterness slowly destroys you; it’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
I encourage you to forgive and let go not because others deserve it, but because you were forgiven by God. Can we stand at the foot of the cross and demand our rights? Can we see the nails piercing Jesus’ hands and feet and excuse our bitterness because we hurt? Can we listen to the jeering crowds and claim offense? Jesus forgave those who insulted Him while He suffered—should we not forgive others as well?
Our hurts pale in comparison to the ultimate sacrifice Jesus made to cancel our sin debt. Some debts cannot be repaid they must be canceled. How does a father who abandoned his children redeem himself? How can someone who stole your innocence make it right? So I urge you to cancel others’ debts as our debts were canceled at the cross.
Now, change the things you can change.
While God accepts us as we are, He will not leave us that way. One of my favorite verses says, “by beholding the glory of the Lord, we are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another” (2 Corinthians 3:18). God slowly transforms us into the image of His Son, but only if we keep our eyes on Him.
God is the source of all true joy and pleasure. The enemy has never produced anything truly good. Instead, he twists what God created to appeal to our fallen nature. As someone once said, “Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell.” Temptation is persistent and relentless.
Temptation is the pull in our fallen nature to worship something other than God. It’s the enemy’s greatest weapon to draw us away from who we were meant to be. James 1:14 reminds us, “each person is tempted when they are lured and enticed by their own desire. Then desire gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.”
We must worship God and practice killing sin, or sin will kill us. But how do we kill sin? It begins with what we allow our minds to dwell on. The thoughts we entertain shape our actions, character, and who we become. Romans 12:2 urges us to “be transformed by the renewal of your mind.” To overcome sin, we turn away from false “gods” and honor God in our thoughts and slowly, our actions follow.
If you have wronged others, seek to make it right. Pay your debts as best you can. If you lied, tell the truth. If you stole, repay what you took. If you gossiped, ask for forgiveness. Restoring relationships is part of healing. Jesus paid a debt He did not owe for us; in gratitude, we should pay what we can to those we owe.
Finally, remember God’s mercy and grace.
Every day you wake up, God gives you a fresh measure of mercy and grace. When we sin, we have a great advocate who intercedes for us before the throne of God. Throughout the day, you will face challenges and make mistakes. But at day’s end, bring your failures before God, ask for forgiveness, and rest in the knowledge that nothing can separate you from His love. Then, wake up ready to impact the world with God’s love and to keep finding joy after pain.
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