Are you enjoying your singleness, or do you secretly despise it?
If you’re single and in your twenties, chances are you’ve heard all the typical questions—“Why aren’t you married yet?” or “What’s wrong with you?” As time passes, these questions often become more frequent and intrusive, making Christian singleness feel less like a blessing and more like a problem that needs fixing.
There were times in my life when I was asked these questions multiple times a day. People would quote Bible verses such as, “It’s not good for man to be alone,” or “It’s better to marry than to burn with passion.” While I believe most mean well, repeatedly explaining my singleness became exhausting and honestly, a little belittling. The unspoken message seemed to be that something was wrong with me for being single—as if I were broken or incomplete.
Over time, I began to despise my singleness—until the Lord gently convicted me. He led me to revisit the same verses that others used, but this time I saw them through a new lens. That shift changed my understanding of Christian singleness entirely.
Take Genesis 2:18 for example: “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’” At first glance, this seems to imply that everyone must have a spouse. But context matters—Adam was completely alone with no community, family, or friends. This passage is about the broader idea of companionship and relationship, not simply marriage. If this verse meant marriage was required for everyone, what about Jesus and Paul? Both were single, and their faithful lives prove that Christian singleness is not only valid but can be powerful and purposeful (see Matthew 19:11–12).
Similarly, 1 Corinthians 7:9 says, “But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” Often quoted out of context, this verse comes right after Paul says, “Now as a concession, not a command, I say this: I wish that all were as I myself am… To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.” (1 Corinthians 7:6–8) Paul clearly views Christian singleness not as a burden but as a gift—a calling that allows for undistracted devotion to God’s work.
Marriage is undeniably beautiful. I’ve seen that in my own parents’ lives—how my mother cared for my father with unwavering love during the hardest years of his life. Love, however, requires vulnerability. As C.S. Lewis wrote in The Four Loves, “To love at all is to be vulnerable… To love is to be vulnerable.”
I look forward to marriage—if and when God brings it. Whether that’s soon, years from now, or not at all, I trust His timing. But right now, I am embracing Christian singleness without shame, desperation, or pressure from others. Because worse than being single is being in the wrong marriage.
If you are single, remember that Christian singleness is not a setback; it is an opportunity. Be content in this season. Allow God to heal and restore any brokenness. Grow spiritually through prayer, Scripture, and solid teaching. Care for your body by eating well, sleeping enough, and exercising regularly. Manage your finances wisely to prepare for whatever God has next. Discover your passions and use your God-given gifts to serve others. Keep learning and serve faithfully in your church. Travel and experience the world to broaden your perspective and compassion.
If you’re married and know someone navigating Christian singleness, remember how it felt to be pressured about marriage. Be patient and kind. Instead of asking when they’ll marry, offer godly wisdom and support. Don’t misuse Scripture to push marriage on someone; let God lead. Avoid matchmaking unless invited. The most helpful thing you can do is gently help discern if the person they’re considering is truly godly.
Christian singleness is not a problem to fix but a calling to embrace. Whether it lasts a season or a lifetime, it can be one of the most fulfilling and God-honoring times of your life.
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Good stuff.
It’s true that God told Adam that it wasn’t good for man to be alone. But when did God say this? He said it BEFORE sin entered the world. I have no doubt that the presence of sin in the world has destructive effects on the pool of available marriage partners. It might not be God who’s devised a divine Master Plan to keep you single. It could just be bad luck. I’ve often read that there’s more Christian girls in the world than there are men. Meaning some of these girls won’t find marriage partners. is that part of “God’s plan”? Or just unfortunate circumstances? One of many hardships and tragedies that Christians have to endure on this Earth?
Does God call us to marriage or singleness? Who knows? God doesn’t promise us marriage anywhere. And, like I said, it might not be God calling us. Besides from reading 1 Corinthians7 (verse 39, for instance), it seems like marriage is something we can choose to embark on. maybe God gives us free will in the matter, and leaves these things up to us, chance, and worldly circumstances. When Paul talked to widows and to people who had strong sexual desires, he allowed them or encouraged them to marry. He didn’t tell them to sit back and wait for God to do everything for them.
Sure, some people are convinced that their spouse was a special blessing from God. That God’s providence is the only way to explain their happy union. These people are happily married. Easy for them to say. What evidence do they have?
Sure, you could be passive, and “trust God’s timing.” But God doesn’t make us any promises about marriage. Trusting God’s timing could just be a guarantee that it’ll never happen. Sometimes we have to take action to realize our dreams. Don’t we recognize that when it comes to other life goals, like a career and a solid job? Why is love any different? People don’t do young betrothals anymore. Parents don’t arrange marriages for their children anymore. At least not in the Western world. You might have to DO something to become a good marriage candidate, to find a partner, and to marry. I wouldn’t just “wait on God.” Like you said, you may have to work on things like your finances and your health.
Should you “be content” in this season” ? What does that even mean? If you’re single, you hear people pontificate to you about “contentment” all the time. In Philippians 4:12, when Paul reminds us to be content in whatever state we’re in, he’s referring to our ultimate contentment in God. There’s no requirement to force ourselves to be happy about every situation. Having and expressing the desire doesn’t make you weak. Admitting and expressing frustration and loneliness doesn’t make you weak.
A lot of times, singles will feel lonely in their situation. That’s fine. We can’t help that. But we can also feel guilty for being lonely because as Christians we have things to be thankful for and we’re often presented with the message that all the good Christians must be “content.” We’re also sometimes told that we have to be “content” before God will bless us with romantic love. This is a popular idea in modern church culture, but we’re not required to be completely satisfied with life, whether we’re married or single. We live in a bad world, where bad things happen and life doesn’t always go our way. We don’t have to repress our emotions or pretend that these situations make us happy. Nor do we have to pretend that these desires are unimportant to us. It’s OK to feel and express sadness and loneliness. We’re not going to disappoint God for feeling emotions that we can’t control anyway.
Ideas like this imply that your “season” of singleness will end once we learn to properly exercise contentment. Apparently all the married couples somehow mastered this, and reached some pinnacle of contentment that God approved of and rewarded accordingly. As if we can use a formula and reverse psychology to convince God to give us the thing we want. Sometimes married couples will tell you that their story went like this, that God “blessed” them with a spouse once they stopped “idolizing” marriage, or once they “stopped looking.” Or once they “learned to be content.” Cool story. As if that’s some sort of universal rule. The Bible doesn’t mention this weird idea anywhere.
If you want love/marriage/sex badly, well, you can’t make yourself “stop” wanting those things. What a silly idea. You’re not being “worldly” or sinful just by expressing desires for things like these. If Christians were able to repress or ignore these desires, why would any Christian ever marry?